The Complete Works of William Shakespeare · William Shakespeare
SCENE I. Milan. An anteroom in the Duke’s palace
Enter Duke, Thurio and Proteus. DUKE. Sir Thurio, give us leave, I pray, awhile; We have some secrets to confer about. [_Exit Thurio._] Now tell me, Proteus, what’s your will with me? PROTEUS. My gracious lord, that which I would discover The law of friendship bids me to conceal, But when I call to mind your gracious favours Done to me, undeserving as I am, My duty pricks me on to utter that Which else no worldly good should draw from me. Know, worthy prince, Sir Valentine my friend This night intends to steal away your daughter; Myself am one made privy to the plot. I know you have determined to bestow her On Thurio, whom your gentle daughter hates, And should she thus be stol’n away from you, It would be much vexation to your age. Thus, for my duty’s sake, I rather chose To cross my friend in his intended drift Than, by concealing it, heap on your head A pack of sorrows which would press you down, Being unprevented, to your timeless grave. DUKE. Proteus, I thank thee for thine honest care, Which to requite command me while I live. This love of theirs myself have often seen, Haply when they have judged me fast asleep, And oftentimes have purposed to forbid Sir Valentine her company and my court. But fearing lest my jealous aim might err And so, unworthily, disgrace the man— A rashness that I ever yet have shunned— I gave him gentle looks, thereby to find That which thyself hast now disclosed to me. And that thou mayst perceive my fear of this, Knowing that tender youth is soon suggested, I nightly lodge her in an upper tower, The key whereof myself have ever kept; And thence she cannot be conveyed away.
PROTEUS. Know, noble lord, they have devised a mean How he her chamber-window will ascend And with a corded ladder fetch her down; For which the youthful lover now is gone, And this way comes he with it presently, Where, if it please you, you may intercept him. But, good my lord, do it so cunningly That my discovery be not aimed at; For love of you, not hate unto my friend, Hath made me publisher of this pretence. DUKE. Upon mine honour, he shall never know That I had any light from thee of this. PROTEUS. Adieu, my lord, Sir Valentine is coming. [_Exit._] Enter Valentine. DUKE. Sir Valentine, whither away so fast? VALENTINE. Please it your Grace, there is a messenger That stays to bear my letters to my friends, And I am going to deliver them. DUKE. Be they of much import? VALENTINE. The tenor of them doth but signify My health and happy being at your court. DUKE. Nay then, no matter. Stay with me awhile; I am to break with thee of some affairs That touch me near, wherein thou must be secret. ’Tis not unknown to thee that I have sought To match my friend Sir Thurio to my daughter. VALENTINE. I know it well, my lord, and sure the match Were rich and honourable. Besides, the gentleman Is full of virtue, bounty, worth, and qualities Beseeming such a wife as your fair daughter. Cannot your grace win her to fancy him?
DUKE. No, trust me, she is peevish, sullen, froward, Proud, disobedient, stubborn, lacking duty, Neither regarding that she is my child Nor fearing me as if I were her father; And, may I say to thee, this pride of hers, Upon advice, hath drawn my love from her, And where I thought the remnant of mine age Should have been cherished by her childlike duty, I now am full resolved to take a wife And turn her out to who will take her in. Then let her beauty be her wedding dower, For me and my possessions she esteems not. VALENTINE. What would your Grace have me to do in this? DUKE. There is a lady of Verona here Whom I affect; but she is nice, and coy, And nought esteems my aged eloquence. Now therefore would I have thee to my tutor— For long agone I have forgot to court; Besides, the fashion of the time is changed— How and which way I may bestow myself To be regarded in her sun-bright eye. VALENTINE. Win her with gifts if she respect not words; Dumb jewels often in their silent kind More than quick words do move a woman’s mind. DUKE. But she did scorn a present that I sent her.
VALENTINE. A woman sometime scorns what best contents her. Send her another; never give her o’er, For scorn at first makes after-love the more. If she do frown, ’tis not in hate of you, But rather to beget more love in you. If she do chide, ’tis not to have you gone, Forwhy the fools are mad if left alone. Take no repulse, whatever she doth say; For “Get you gone” she doth not mean “Away!” Flatter and praise, commend, extol their graces; Though ne’er so black, say they have angels’ faces. That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man If with his tongue he cannot win a woman. DUKE. But she I mean is promised by her friends Unto a youthful gentleman of worth, And kept severely from resort of men, That no man hath access by day to her. VALENTINE. Why then, I would resort to her by night. DUKE. Ay, but the doors be locked and keys kept safe, That no man hath recourse to her by night. VALENTINE. What lets but one may enter at her window? DUKE. Her chamber is aloft, far from the ground, And built so shelving that one cannot climb it Without apparent hazard of his life. VALENTINE. Why, then a ladder quaintly made of cords To cast up with a pair of anchoring hooks, Would serve to scale another Hero’s tower, So bold Leander would adventure it.
DUKE. Now, as thou art a gentleman of blood, Advise me where I may have such a ladder. VALENTINE. When would you use it? Pray, sir, tell me that. DUKE. This very night; for Love is like a child That longs for everything that he can come by. VALENTINE. By seven o’clock I’ll get you such a ladder. DUKE. But, hark thee: I will go to her alone; How shall I best convey the ladder thither? VALENTINE. It will be light, my lord, that you may bear it Under a cloak that is of any length. DUKE. A cloak as long as thine will serve the turn? VALENTINE. Ay, my good lord. DUKE. Then let me see thy cloak; I’ll get me one of such another length. VALENTINE. Why, any cloak will serve the turn, my lord. DUKE. How shall I fashion me to wear a cloak? I pray thee, let me feel thy cloak upon me. [_Takes Valentine’s cloak and finds a letter and a rope ladder concealed under it._] What letter is this same? What’s here?—_To Silvia?_ And here an engine fit for my proceeding. I’ll be so bold to break the seal for once.
PROTEUS. Sirrah, I say, forbear.—Friend Valentine, a word. VALENTINE. My ears are stopped and cannot hear good news, So much of bad already hath possessed them. PROTEUS. Then in dumb silence will I bury mine, For they are harsh, untuneable, and bad. VALENTINE. Is Silvia dead? PROTEUS. No, Valentine. VALENTINE. No Valentine indeed for sacred Silvia. Hath she forsworn me? PROTEUS. No, Valentine. VALENTINE. No Valentine, if Silvia have forsworn me. What is your news? LANCE. Sir, there is a proclamation that you are vanished. PROTEUS. That thou art banished—O, that’s the news— From hence, from Silvia, and from me thy friend. VALENTINE. O, I have fed upon this woe already, And now excess of it will make me surfeit. Doth Silvia know that I am banished? PROTEUS. Ay, ay; and she hath offered to the doom— Which unreversed stands in effectual force— A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears; Those at her father’s churlish feet she tendered, With them, upon her knees, her humble self, Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became them As if but now they waxed pale for woe. But neither bended knees, pure hands held up, Sad sighs, deep groans, nor silver-shedding tears Could penetrate her uncompassionate sire; But Valentine, if he be ta’en, must die. Besides, her intercession chafed him so, When she for thy repeal was suppliant, That to close prison he commanded her, With many bitter threats of biding there.
LANCE. I am but a fool, look you, and yet I have the wit to think my master is a kind of a knave; but that’s all one if he be but one knave. He lives not now that knows me to be in love, yet I am in love, but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me, nor who ’tis I love; and yet ’tis a woman, but what woman I will not tell myself; and yet ’tis a milkmaid; yet ’tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips; yet ’tis a maid, for she is her master’s maid and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel, which is much in a bare Christian. [_Pulls out a paper_.] Here is the cate-log of her condition. _Imprimis, She can fetch and carry_. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch but only carry; therefore is she better than a jade. _Item, She can milk_. Look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. Enter Speed. SPEED. How now, Signior Lance? What news with your mastership? LANCE. With my master’s ship? Why, it is at sea. SPEED. Well, your old vice still: mistake the word. What news, then, in your paper? LANCE. The blackest news that ever thou heard’st.
SPEED. Why, man? How black? LANCE. Why, as black as ink. SPEED. Let me read them. LANCE. Fie on thee, jolt-head, thou canst not read. SPEED. Thou liest. I can. LANCE. I will try thee. Tell me this, who begot thee? SPEED. Marry, the son of my grandfather. LANCE. O, illiterate loiterer! It was the son of thy grandmother. This proves that thou canst not read. SPEED. Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper. LANCE. [_Gives him the paper_.] There; and Saint Nicholas be thy speed. SPEED. _Imprimis, She can milk._ LANCE. Ay, that she can. SPEED. _Item, She brews good ale._ LANCE. And thereof comes the proverb, “Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale.” SPEED. _Item, She can sew._ LANCE. That’s as much as to say, “Can she so?” SPEED. _Item, She can knit._ LANCE. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock? SPEED. _Item, She can wash and scour._ LANCE. A special virtue, for then she need not be washed and scoured. SPEED. _Item, She can spin._ LANCE. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living. SPEED. _Item, She hath many nameless virtues._ LANCE. That’s as much as to say, “bastard virtues”, that indeed know not their fathers, and therefore have no names.
SPEED. Here follow her vices. LANCE. Close at the heels of her virtues. SPEED. _Item, She is not to be kissed fasting in respect of her breath._ LANCE. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on. SPEED. _Item, She hath a sweet mouth._ LANCE. That makes amends for her sour breath. SPEED. _Item, She doth talk in her sleep._ LANCE. It’s no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk. SPEED. _Item, She is slow in words._ LANCE. O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words is a woman’s only virtue. I pray thee, out with’t, and place it for her chief virtue. SPEED. _Item, She is proud._ LANCE. Out with that too; it was Eve’s legacy and cannot be ta’en from her. SPEED. _Item, She hath no teeth._ LANCE. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. SPEED. _Item, She is curst._ LANCE. Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. SPEED. _Item, She will often praise her liquor._ LANCE. If her liquor be good, she shall; if she will not, I will, for good things should be praised. SPEED. _Item, She is too liberal._ LANCE. Of her tongue she cannot, for that’s writ down she is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that I’ll keep shut. Now, of another thing she may, and that cannot I help. Well, proceed.
Text from Project Gutenberg, public domain in the United States.