The Merry Wives of Windsor The Works of William Shakespeare [Cambridge Edition] [9 vols.] · William Shakespeare
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Fie on sinful fantasy! Fie on lust and luxury! Lust is but a bloody fire, Kindled with unchaste desire, Fed in heart, whose flames aspire, 95 As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. Pinch him, fairies, mutually; Pinch him for his villany; Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out. 100 _During this song they pinch FALSTAFF. DOCTOR CAIUS comes one way, and steals away a boy in green; SLENDER another way, and takes off a boy in white; and FENTON comes, and_ _steals away Mrs ANNE PAGE. A noise of hunting is heard within. All the Fairies run away. FALSTAFF pulls off his buck’s head, and rises._ _Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD._ _Page._ Nay, do not fly; I think we have watch’d you now: Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn? _Mrs Page._ I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher. Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives? See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes 105 Become the forest better than the town? _Ford._ Now, sir, who’s a cuckold now? Master Brook, Falstaff’s a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford’s but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty 110 pounds of money, which must be paid to Master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, Master Brook.
_Evans._ Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter. _Fal._ ‘Seese’ and ’putter’! have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the realm. 140 _Mrs Page._ Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight? _Ford._ What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? 145 _Mrs Page._ A puffed man? _Page._ Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails? _Ford._ And one that is as slanderous as Satan? _Page._ And as poor as Job? _Ford._ And as wicked as his wife? 150 _Evans._ And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles? _Fal._ Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh 155 flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o’er me: use me as you will. _Ford._ Marry, sir, we’ll bring you to Windsor, to one Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you 160 have suffered, I think to repay that money will be a biting affliction.
_Slen._ I went to her in white, and cried ‘mum,’ and she cried ‘budget,’ as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster’s boy. _Mrs Page._ Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, 190 she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married. _Enter CAIUS._ _Caius._ Vere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened: I ha’ married un garçon, a boy; un paysan, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened. 195 _Mrs Page._ Why, did you take her in green? _Caius._ Ay, by gar, and ’tis a boy: by gar, I’ll raise all Windsor. [_Exit._ _Ford._ This is strange. Who hath got the right Anne? _Page._ My heart misgives me:--here comes Master 200 Fenton. _Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE._ How now, Master Fenton! _Anne._ Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon! _Page._ Now, mistress, how chance you went not with Master Slender? 205 _Mrs Page._ Why went you not with master doctor, maid? _Fent._ You do amaze her: hear the truth of it. You would have married her most shamefully, Where there was no proportion held in love. The truth is, she and I, long since contracted, 210 Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us. The offence is holy that she hath committed; And this deceit loses the name of craft, Of disobedience, or unduteous title; Since therein she doth evitate and shun 215 A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.
_Ford._ Stand not amazed; here is no remedy: In love the heavens themselves do guide the state; Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. 220 _Fal._ I am glad, though you have ta’en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. _Page._ Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy! What cannot be eschew’d must be embraced. 225 _Fal._ When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased. _Mrs Page._ Well, I will muse no further. Master Fenton, Heaven give you many, many merry days! Good husband, let us every one go home, And laugh this sport o’er by a country fire; 230 Sir John and all. _Ford._ Let it be so. Sir John, To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word; For he to-night shall lie with Mistress Ford. [_Exeunt._
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